The Ecology of Relationships
A chapter in one of my favourite books on the subject, discusses and compares the ‘eco-psychology’ of relationships and the link between, as the author puts it, “the non-sustainability of person-to-person relationships with that of our human-to-planet relationship”; both of which we simply tolerate.
During my time as a mental health professional many individuals, both men and women, have spoken about the control, denial, and torment, tantamount to domestic abuse that they have endured in relationship. They came seeking a non-judgmental space to talk openly and frankly, and then leave with a semblance of peace, at least for a while, having offloaded something troubling.
Many had been literally crippled - emotionally, psychologically and, worse of all, spiritually – by their experience. Usually, the whole tenor of the conversation was that the individual was resigned to accepting the status quo and making the best of a bad situation. More often than not they felt unable to leave because of children, but sometimes because they had fallen into a pattern difficult to break, one of co-dependency. The truth was their very life force was being drained and at one level they were slowly dying.
When appropriate I referred them to the writing of psychiatric social worker, Terrance O’Connor. This is what he says about simply accepting the ‘status quo’ of an abusive relationship:
“The status quo is that the hole in the ozone layer is [getting] bigger…The status quo is that some scientists are predicting that by the middle of the [21st] Century global warming will result in most coastal cities…being below sea level…
The status quo is that acid rain, besides destroying the lakes and forests, is now considered to be the leading cause of lung cancer after cigarette smoke. The status quo is that 35,000 people die of starvation every day…every day, two or more species become extinct, not due to natural selection but due to deforestation and pollution...
What does this say to you?
To me it says that the status quo is the planet is dying! The planet is dying because we are satisfied with our limited relationships in which control, denial and abuse are tolerated. The status quo is that we have these [types] of relationships with each other, between nations, with ourselves and the natural world. Why should we bother? Because a healthy relationship is not an esoteric goal. It is a matter of our very survival and the survival of most of life upon this earth”.